LinaTherese

So...

I could tell by the statistics of my blog that you people seem eager to know about what happened with me and my hostmoms little ''fight''. It actually ended with me leaving my hostfamily and France, and I am now back home in Sweden. 

My last blogpost was about our small fight that was about my bike getting stolen etc. That happened last thursday and after that I only saw my hostmom on friday evening when she got home, and I went out saying ''Hi!'' when I got out of my room. She answered with a bitter, quick ''Hi''... During the weekend I stayed away from the house because of the weird, awkward situation. So I didn't come home until sunday evening around 23. My hostdad was waiting up for me to tell me that the car was broken so I didn't have to take the kids in the morning. When I went out of the kitchen my hostmom went out of her room and I said once again ''Hi!'' and got a bitter one back.

On monday it was the same thing when she got back home, and I also didn't get any dinner, without her saying anything about it. We ALWAYS eat together, so of course I thought of this as some sort of punishment.  

 

On Monday evening I made the decision to leave my hostfamily the day after. I had already started packing a bit, and on tuesday I finished it all.

And in this situation... I don't think that I have ever felt this lonely in my whole life. I was really trying to get everything organized, but it's hard to get bags that weight 40 kilos out of the house all alone when I didn't even have a car...

Finally I got in contact with another au pair who offered me to put my bags at her place until the evening. So I took a taxi there and left my stuff. Now there was no return, and it felt soooo good...

I picked up the kids as usual and worked until after 19 when the mom got home. I was so nervous! My plan was to say that I'm going out for dinner, and then I would text her later on and say that I'm never coming back. 

I went to the toilet one last time and when I got out she suddenly said ''Hi!'' and I answered back as I walked towards my bedroom to put my jacket on. ''You don't talk to me anymore?'', she said.

 

Wow, I could not see that coming! I walked up to her so we were both standing on each side of the dinner table. I was so chocked and just said ''I don't know!''. The funny thing is that she hadn't talked to me either for five days, so I could ask her the same. But I didn't!

She asked me what's going on, and I had to come clean. So I told her that I'm leaving.

Here comes a small sample of the things she told me (and my comments in parenthesis):

 

''We have felt that you were on your way to leave for a couple of weeks now. So i'm not surprised! We've been talking to other parents and your headteacher so we knew that you were leaving!

But why are you leaving? Is it because of the bike, or that I haven't cooked for you? Or because you have been lazy and now we're making you do things?''

(How could they have felt that I was leaving when I didn't even know myself? And I've been lazy!? What? I asked her what things that they suddenly have made me do and she didn't even know and said ''I'm asking you!''. And other parents? I have never talked to other parents so that's not possible. And my headteacher? If my hostmom now knew that I didn't go to school sometimes, then why didn't she ask me about it!?)

I told her that I've been homesick for quite some time and then this thing with the bike happened and that was just too much for me...

''You mean that we had a conversation about what happened to the bike?''

(I told her that I thought that she was exaggerating a bit with the conversation about the bike, since she brought up all the other things I've done wrong)

I told her that I thought that it was weird that she brought up the things with the car and the gate. She had never mentioned it to me before and now she threw it all in my face.

Since she said last week that the accident with the gate wouldn't have happened if she was there cause she would have talked to the guy driving the truck, and since I don't speak french I couldn't have prevented it. Okey! She couldn't have done anything different since he crashed the gate and then left.

''So you were just gonna leave? You weren't gonna tell us? I can understand if you wanna be that mean to me, but you're not doing that to the kids. I'm gonna go and get them and then you will tell them!''

The four of us sat down by the table and the mom put out water and all. So dramatic! The kids were really happy and asked what I wanted to tell them. The mom answered in french that they shoudln't be so happy cause I wasn't bringing good news.

So I started telling the kids, pretty much the same things as I'd wrote in the letter I was planning to leave for them.

I started by saying ''You know that I love you two very much...'', and suddenly the mom interrups me by saying ''THIS IS NOT FUNNY!''.

(Haha, what? Like I was telling a joke or something...)

I told them that it is very hard to be this far away from home for a long time and that I miss my parents, my friends and my cat. Astrid says ''Oh, no! I know where this is going...''.

And she was right. I told them that I will be going back home to Sweden.

They both ran up to me and give me a long hug each. They asked me when I would be leaving and I said ''right now''. ''So you have already packed your bags?''. The mom goes ''Yes! You can go into her room and have a look.'' So angry!

I stood up to go and get my jacket and she says:

''When our last au pair left Astrid had nightmares for a month, and now it's gonna be even worse, so I hope you feel guilty and asshamed over that!''

(I admitted that I was feeling guilty, but all I could think about was that it's her own fucking fault. It's her fault that I'm leaving!)

 

We all went into my room.

''Even the other au paires who left in the middle of the night didn't leave the room looking like this! This really showes what you think about us and how little respect you have for us. Leaving your garbage for us to take care of!''

(Yes! I left three bags of trash in my room, with all my underware/socks, 3 pants, 7 sweaters, a jacket, 3 paires of shoes, paper, books, beauty products etc, cause it didn't fit in my bags. I left it in my room because our trashbin is right outside of the door and also overflooded with trash. If I would have put this garbage there she would have seen emediatly that I'm on my way to leave...)

''You haven't done anything here. You've been a chauffeur and doing some homeworks. You've done nothing compared to other au paires and you've been living here as in a gueshouse. Even when I have come home late in the evenings you haven't helped out! We've been so nice to you!''

I said that ''I've been doing more things then I'm supposed to! I've done the dishes twice a day and cleaning the house...''.

Here she goes ''Oooh, wow!'' and rolling her eyes, like a bitchy 12 year old.

(The thing is that I've been doing everything that she told me to. I even asked her once if she wanted me to do more things. The times she's been late home she's been texting me to help the kids with their showers, for example. But our deal has always been that when she comes home from work I'm off. If she now wanted something else from me or wanted things to change, she could have just told me!)

She said ''You leave the phone!'' and then she took my keys out of my hand and we walked out towards the gate. She opened it and I stepped outside, saying ''Bye, bye!''. She says nothing and slammes the gate behind me.

 

I walked away, feeling so relieved!

I called my mom while I was walking to Maisons-Laffitte. I told her this story, all that happened, and when I got to the part of me telling the kids that I loved them, I couldn't hold back the tears. Cause that's the way it is!

These kids became my favourite little crazy monkeys (my nickname for them) and now I will never see them again and it breaks my heart. I wanted my time as an au pair to end when it was supposed to, in july. I wanted to have this family in my life forever, I wanted to see the kids grow up and keep in contact.

And all of this is now ruined because of the moms lack of communication.

I went to get my bags back, and then I took a taxi to Paris.

A girl who was in my school offered me to sleep on her sofa for a couple of days, and if it wasn't for this awesome girl, Bekah... I don't know what I would have done! I'm forever thankful to her.

I came to her place around 21 and she had friends over. We talked all about this and drank three bottles of wine. I was free and it felt so good!